New Year

I'll be honest, I've never really understood why the New Year is such a big deal. It's simply another day, and after all the errors made in history with calendars, really, it's not much to celebrate. This year, however, I understand a little better. We need a new start. We make resolutions to better ourselves, and hopefully others as well. We have a clean, fresh start. Even if it's just another day, we can tell ourselves, this year will be different. But why can't we do that every day? Why don't we wake up and say, "today will be better." or "this week (or month) will be better"? A year is such a long time and so much can happen during it, why wouldn't we adjust our resolutions to make them continue to work both all year and for our lives? At the same time, it seems that we often set ourselves up for failure by setting the bar too high and then when we fall, the rest of the year is considered a failure. Deciding in January that you're not going to eat any junk food all year is simply not realistic. Cutting out one thing or eating it less, however, is. I have had a hard time coming up with any resolutions thus far. There are, of course, areas of my life that I have issues with and that I want to change, but I also want to stick to what I decide. I have decided, instead, to make monthly resolutions this year. For January, I *think* I am going to pick a different curse word each week and cut it out of my vocabulary, until at the end of the month there are 4 that I don't use. Because I am starting a little late, I'm going to go until this time February. I think by telling myself it's only for a week, I will be able to build up to just not saying these words at all. Well, that's the hope. Then I will pick a new one in February. Here's to a great year that has so far been one of my best :)

Have a Super, Fantastic, Great Day!
Mandiy

My Letter to the Facebook World *Warning: Rant*

I am going to rant now. If you actually read this and if it offends you, please go ahead and stop being my friend (in real life and/or facebook) now because clearly we are not on the same page.

First, I want to say that I understand the position of a military wife. I did not give birth or raise kids while my husband was gone, but I have faced 2 and a half deployments. At a young age, being alone on my own in a new city for the first time, twice, and without a ton of support for the first one. I have also seen those who keep a positive attitude, even in some of the worst case scenarios versus those who are losing it.
Second, I do believe military should be given a TON of respect and I think should be given discounts and privileges, etc. I am unbelievably grateful for those who serve our country and those who stand beside them through the many many trials they face. I do not, however, believe that military is entitled to be a complete bad word for no reason and be allowed to get away with it (this is said not in relation to PTSD related episodes or things of that nature). It is also not an excuse for a military wife to be a bad word constantly.
I understand that EVERYONE has their bad days, but being married to the military does not mean you are better than anyone else or their problems. I can totally understand that there are days when you don't want to listen to anyone about their seemingly trivial issues. But while you are able to handle yourself through what may seem like much more difficult trials, please remember that their issues are just as hard for them. And there is ALWAYS more than what you are seeing. You have not always been 100% grateful for the time you spent with your S/O. You, too, have faults. And please remember that you are not the only one who is dealing with stuff. You were in the civilian lifestyle at one point and will probably be there again. "Petty" things are still hard, even if you think your issues are bigger now.
To people who remark, "I don't know how you do it." or something to that effect, neither do I. Life is a real bad word some days, but there is no alternative. (This is not said in anger, but it is the best response I have so far). I do genuinely appreciate this sentiment, but I don't have anything else to say except that you don't know how strong you are until you have no other choice.
To the people who are secretly thinking I'm one of "those" wives who just can't hold out until her husband gets back and can't take the stress so I'm leaving him (I'm hoping this is no one...) please refer back to the military and douchebagery description above. Just because someone is a Marine (or any other service member) does not mean he can get away with being a bad word and does not mean I should put up with it. If it's not okay for a civilian, it's not okay for him.
And finally, to the wives who sit at home just waiting for a call for the entire time they are gone, you do not get this time back. If you think that you will look back at this time and go, wow, what a waste of 6-9 months that was, yeah, you're probably right. I'm not saying you should go out and party (though if you want to, go for it) but learn a hobby, read a book, set goals or take a class or do something. "He doesn't want you to be miserable while you're waiting, he's just happy you wait." And he needs you to have a good attitude for him when he's able to talk and needs to know that you are okay back home so do something to keep yourself from being totally miserable. If you have a cell phone, then you will still be able to get the call even if you're not home.
All of this aside, if you are able to read this, I care about you. I wish I could bring every husband/boyfriend/etc home. I wish I could take any pain away. If you're not military related, then this still applies just not in the same ways. I am always here for anyone to vent, to offer perspective (if so desired), to help in any way I can.
I am sorry for anyone I may have pissed off now, but if you are in that group and we are close, I would hope you'd confront me about it. If we are super close, you should already know if you're included in any of this. Just had to get this out before my head exploded.
I still hope everyone has a super, fantastic, great day
Mandiy

Fin

I’m so tired
There’s an aching in my chest
All I really even want
Is to finally get some rest
My head is pounding
And my heart is broke
And I just don’t want
To do this on my own
I don’t want to be strong anymore
I want my heart
To come walk back through that door
To not have to know
I’m alone and this is over.
I must pick up the pieces.
I’m alone. This is over.

No Such Thing as a Lost Cause

I see your hurt
When you let me past
The walls you use
To guard yourself.
And it breaks my heart
More than any of my own pain ever could.
And it lets me know
What I was born to do.
I need to mend the broken.
The lost causes.
You feel so alone
And say no one could possibly care
But I do.
Without knowing you,
I ache for the pain you feel.
More than anything
I want to take it all away for you.
And I will find a way
To bring you back
Out of the darkness
You’ve felt for so long
And into the world of light.
I’ve been there before.
And I need you to know
There’s too much life
Left to live
For you to hide away
And miss it all.
To give up is too great a crime
For me to just stand by
And let you slip away.
So I will find a way
To fight for you.
To fight for the lost causes.

Starting Anew

I should have done this a few months ago, but didn't feel like it. But now, here it is, a brand new blog. I'm in a brand new apartment, sleeping in a brand new bed, and moving on in so many aspects. I have changed my hair, my email, my phone number, my skype name, and now my blog that I rarely write in anyway haha. I hope I can actually start to change that, though. You'd think I'd write now that I'm already here making the new blog anyway, but instead I am just creating it and then going to work on the apartment. I'm so tired of living in a place that's in such disarray!
I hope everyone has a super, fantastic, great day!
Mandiy